my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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