For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
