i need an iv and a liver transplant
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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