I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
