Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
