we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
