At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize