I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
