I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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