Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't put those talents on a resume
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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