I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
