About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize