My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
