I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
