Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
