I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
