i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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