the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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