just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
