They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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