No stitches, just platelets and will power
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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