Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
