Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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