so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I met the friendliest cop last night
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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