Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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