his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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