Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Randomize
