Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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