Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
