pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
