you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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