Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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