oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize