You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize