after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
