I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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