When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
