she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
