How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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