Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
