The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He passed out mid-signature
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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