3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
