I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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