i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
