I wish I could teleport
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize