nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You don't make any sense
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