the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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