So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
