So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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