Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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