My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
