My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
