I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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