Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
