I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
