I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
only you would photoshop your dick
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
