I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
