The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
