I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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