You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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