Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
