fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
