it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
