my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
