she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
