I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
