I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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