I wannas sexs uuuuu
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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