Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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