Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
