Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
