before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize