Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
