I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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