Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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