theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
