he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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