Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can you repeat that, but with context?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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