dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
