i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
