I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
she told me i tasted like america
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
