remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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