i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
