he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I could fuck to npr.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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