He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
