1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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