apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
