Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
