Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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