i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
