plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sober January is a disaster.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
