if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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