I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
