I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
