i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
