You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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