We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
