how can u be prego again
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
