whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
