Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Let's get the cat blown out
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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