he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
