just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
