ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
