i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
